Thursday, June 20, 2013

Marin Mama....Leaves Marin

I never thought I would ever write a post about leaving Marin County. I've lived here for 11 years, the longest of any place besides where I grew up in central California. I've lived here, loved here, made amazing friends here, raised my 3.5 year old wild child here. It's everything I've ever wanted out of a town, a community, a home pad. Except, how much it costs. Sadly, this paradise is the most expensive strip of land to call home in these United States, second only to New York City. When the hubby and I decided to bring some kiddos into this world, we made the decision one of us would only work part-time, in order to be with our children during the formative years. It's a choice I don't regret in the slightest but it's a sacrifice because we cannot afford to own a home, provide security and enjoy life as a family living here. So when a job offer came up in Dallas, my husband's hometown, we struggled, agonized and probably changed our minds a gazillion times until we finally made the decision to leave CA, head for Dallas and set up shop in his hometown, where his parents and sister with two young kiddos of her own are thriving. We are expanding the brood come November and our small two bedroom flat is already squishy so it seemed like a good time for a little change, or rather, in this case, a huge, gigantic, fantastically large change.

So as I head into my last week living in California, for the next few years anyhow, I am sad, excited, nervous, exhausted and so many other emotions, it's a major roller coaster ride with rather large, stomach losing drops. I can't wait to live near my sis-in-law, who will become my partner in crime. I am so excited to watch my kids grow up with their cousins. I'm thrilled to not have to worry about making the paycheck meet all our financial needs, every single GD month. I'm curious about the Lone Star state, on every visit thus far I've enjoyed myself tremendously. Southern hospitality, it's not a myth people!  On the other hand, I'm sad to be leaving my home state, the best state in the union, the most beautiful place in the world. I'm reeling over leaving the cultural diversity in the Bay Area, something I didn't grow up with but have learned to love, savor and sometimes even take for granted. I'll miss the sounds of the Pacific Ocean and the deep, moist redwood groves. I'll miss the breathtaking spans of the Golden Gate Bridge and the glory that is the bay, something that I, not once, ever tired of viewing. I'll be torn up at the fact I won't be able to drive an hour to my mom's house, or 3 hours to our cabin in Tahoe City, where the crystal clear, icy blue waters await my splash.

I won't be gone forever, there ain't no way someone could keep me out of the Golden State, but now I'll be a visitor rather than a resident, a status I'm still not quite sure I feel comfortable about, or have even accepted. I know I'll be able to appreciate what's before me when I visit, because I'll know what to do, who to visit, where to eat. I know my family and I will look forward to our vacations in California, something millions of people dream about and many never see to fruition. We'll have more cash to enjoy our time here, instead of scraping the barrel to make it work.

And who knows? Maybe we'll be back someday, maybe we won't be able to stay away. It's a special place this California, and it will always be in my heart. But the time has come to put something else first  and I have to say, making this decision with my husband, for the good of our family, is the first real grown up thing I think I've ever done. Putting the fam first, me second, is simply straight up serious adult business, no joke.

So goodbye my sweet state, I will treasure our time together near and dear to my heart. And when I return, I have no doubt you will embrace me with open arms, and whisper a song of joy, which is just so left coast and so very me indeed.

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